Apples of Gold

As followers of Jesus one place we find ourselves getting in trouble is confusing the principles of God’s Word with promises. The difference between the two can range from a barely noticeable subtlety to an immense cavern rivaling the Grand Canyon itself. When we treat a principle as if it is a promise the potential for bitterness, disappointment and outright anger lurks in the shadows should things not turn out how they are “supposed to”.  

Consider this example:

Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it. Proverbs 22:6

Promise or principle? Well, for this to be a promise the free-will of the offspring of god-fearing parents must be suspended because it is a foregone conclusion that they will serve God. 

This Scripture, treated properly is not a promise but rather a principle. It is likely that children who are raised in godly homes will one day choose to follow him themselves. But what happens when they don’t?

So many of us find ourselves watching a loved one struggle as we try desperately to understand how we got to this place and more importantly what do we do now? The difficulty is heightened by the mostly well-meaning looks of friends and family reflecting sympathy mingled with their own questions as to who is to blame for this sad state of affairs. 

While walking through dark days with our youngest daughter, I was stunned to recognize a hint of thankfulness seeping into my heart. A jolt of guilt and confusion hit almost simultaneously as I tried to process my volatile emotions. A gentle reminder from the Word of God brought clarity and peace:

Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. I Thessalonians 5:18

While I wasn’t thankful for what my daughter was going through I realized that God was at work in the middle of the mess. Our trial would not be wasted. This was a perfect opportunity to apply Romans 8:28:

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. 

This verse gives me permission to trust God in the middle of my pain and to be thankful for what he is doing in my life even while the storm is raging. Paul’s words, penned from a dank and dreary prison cell provide an infusion of hope and strength in times like this.

And I want you to know, my dear brothers and sisters, that everything that has happened to me here has helped to spread the Good News. For everyone here including the whole palace guard, knows that I am in chains because of Christ. And because of my imprisonment, most of the believers here have gained confidence and boldly speak God’s message without fear. Philippians 1:12-14

Paul’s struggle released a confidence and boost of courage in the believers because they were watching his unwavering faith. While my feelings can fluctuate from one extreme to the other in an instant, my faith is anchored on unshakable ground, held firm by the hand of God himself.

I want to share a few things that I am learning throughout this difficult and heart-wrenching process with the hope that someone, anyone will read it and find the strength they need to carry on and perhaps release themselves from an undeserved burden of guilt and shame that so often attaches itself to our hearts and minds with a super glue-like bond breakable only by the power of God and the captivating grace he daily offers us.

DON”T CARRY THE BLAME

When our oldest daughter left for the missions field we often heard statements like: “You must have been incredible parents to raise a missionary”. Well, we knew enough to know that her decision was not something we should take credit for.

I think it is safe to say if one of our daughters won Miss America none of us would charge the stage, grab the sash and crown and stroll down the runway in awe of our successful job as a parent. Our fickleness is revealed when we are quick to question every parenting decision we ever made as we place the blame for our children’s poor choices squarely on our shoulders. 

Have you ever bowled with bumper guards? While the guards keep the ball out of the gutter they do not guarantee a strike. In fact, once the ball passes through the guards the result is determined by the one who rolled the ball. I don’t think I have met an honest parent who has no regrets in their parenting journey. 

Most parents are just fumbling through-trying to do our best. Sometimes our kids make great decisions. Sometimes they don’t. The vast majority of the time there really is nothing that parents could have done differently that would have altered the outcome. One of our rules with our adult children is: Don’t take the credit-Don’t take the blame.

To Be Continued…