Apples of Gold

The last few years seem to have carried more than their proper share of loss and pain. I recently lost a beautiful friend to cancer. It was very quick and unexpected. She was on my “team”. When I needed prayer she was there. She was always pulling for me when I was speaking. Her laugh was totally unique and was an instant give away of her presence. The notes of encouragement and cards saying just the right thing were frequent and life giving. She left a large hole in our congregation that many are still trying to navigate.

My circle is clustered with friends and loved ones dealing with grief. Several hit even closer to home than losing my sweet friend. Many have lost spouses, parents, grandparents, siblings some even children-that one is particularly difficult. It seems out of the natural order of life. These losses leave us reeling long after the meals stop being delivered and everyone around us returns to life as usual, only we can’t. Normal will never be quite the same.

Death is different for followers of Jesus. We know it is not the end, but rather the gateway into eternal life. Paul puts is this way:

And now, dear brothers and sisters, we want you to know what will happen to the believers who have died so you will not grieve like people who have no hope. 1Thessalonians 4:13

We don’t grieve without hope but still we grieve. Grief is one of those things that is extremely individual. As a minister, and a pastor’s wife for many years, I have walked through this with a lot of different people and scenarios. Their responses have been as unique as they are. Some bounce back quickly, find their faith strengthened by the closeness of God. Others are living minute by minute and the healing process is long and treacherous. This tends to come more often with unexpected loss from a fast moving illness, a tragic accident or a key figure in life.

Of one thing we can be certain: God is very aware and concerned about us during these times of sorrow. He is with us, attentive and compassionate.

The LORD cares deeply when his loved ones die. Psalm 116:15

We make some odd assumptions about faith at times. One of them is that if we have strong faith in God we will always be strong ourselves. We can forget that grief is a process and we need to allow ourselves the time and space to go through it properly. Maybe differentiating between grief and mourning could be helpful. Mourning is our initial gut-punch response to loss. Mourning sends shockwaves of disappointment and pain through our system as we come to terms with our pain. For most mourning is a shorter period that is intense and often surreal. Grief tends to stick around much longer as we advance through the “normal” things with someone precious to us not able to be there. All of the firsts without them tend to hit hard and even years down the road grief can still show up unexpectedly.

Our faith doesn’t remove our grief and yet we often feel guilty for grieving. As if we should snap out of it and move on unphased by tragedy. Love doesn’t really work like that.

I realize this is an odd devotional topic but it seems so important to consider. Friends please allow yourself time to heal from loss. It is not a sign of weakness when fresh tears fall long after you have said goodbye to someone. God doesn’t expect us to just get over it but he stands right beside us to help us get through it.

One of my favorite things about David is how real he always is with God. He didn’t hold back his emotions in his writings. I think a modern day Psalm about grief might read something like this:

God this stinks! Why did you take them? I’m kind of mad at you right now. Don’t you know how much they meant to me? I needed them. But wait-I know who you are. We have been through so much together. I can’t get through this without you, I wouldn’t even want to try for a second. Certainly you see my pain and you care about it. I will cling to you in the middle of my pain and confusion and I trust that on the other side of this there is good coming my way. I choose to praise you through my tears because you are always good.

Have patience with yourself and with others who are grieving. Remember to check in on those dealing with deep loss in the months and even years ahead. Listen to the same stories because sharing them is bringing healing. If we can give each other time to heal we will all be stronger.

Father, I pray for those who are dealing with deep loss today. Whether it is fresh or the lingering hurt that still catches them by surprise. I pray the Holy Spirit would comfort and encourage them. Stay close to each of them in a way that they sense your nearness and concern. You are a compassionate God and a faithful friend. Thank you for sticking closer than a brother as we walk through tough times.

You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. Psalm 56:8