Apples of Gold

Forgiveness is a bit mysterious, and at its optimal function, supernatural. We have all heard that when we don’t forgive someone it is allowing them to live rent free in our head. Like the squatter who has barricaded himself in your garage, refusing to leave and waving at you with a smirk on his face every time you pass by, the lingering effects of holding on to hurt and bitterness seem to mock our desire to live in wholeness.

I recently burned my hand pretty seriously. I was distracted while pouring boiling water for my tea and the cover popped off the kettle allowing a waterfall to cascade over my hand scorching three of my fingers. The pain was fierce and immediate. It was close to bedtime so sleeping became a challenge. After realizing that trying to keep my hand submerged in a bowl of cold water while trying to fall asleep was not a workable option, I slathered coconut oil on my hand, wrapped a washcloth soaked with cold water around it, and covered it with plastic wrap. Although not ideal, I was able to get some rest. The next day the intense pain had subsided but I was left with quite a few blisters, some of them quite large and a bunch of red, wrinkled skin. I thought I was through the worst until the largest blister tore open. It became crystal clear that this wound was nowhere near healed. Every time I bump it or get it near heat, the pain returns. The exposed flesh needs to be cared for so that bacteria doesn’t invade. Recovery is going to be a process. Even typing this is a tad uncomfortable.

Forgiveness, especially for the big stuff, often follows a similar process. We get past the original pain and think we’ve got it conquered only to have a wound reopened at an inopportune time. These big things are not the only challenge with forgiveness. Another area in which walking in forgiveness is tough to maintain can be working through ongoing issues.

I remember fighting with my siblings when we were little and being dragged together by one of our parents and told to say you are sorry. Though we complied-we may or may not have meant it. Sadly, this is something many of us still live with in our day-to-day lives. We received an apology, and a promise that we could expect better only to find, rather than actual change, we are stuck on a seemingly endless cycle of repetition.

Jesus knew that we would struggle with this. His expectations for us are clear:

One day Jesus said to his disciples, There will always be temptations to sin, but what sorrow awaits the person who does the tempting! It would be better to be thrown into the sea with a millstone hung around your neck than to cause one of these little ones to fall into sin. So watch yourselves! If another believer sins, rebuke that person; then if there is repentance, forgive. Even if that person wrongs you seven times a day and each time turns again and asks forgiveness, you must forgive. Luke 17:1-4

This can be a tough one to swallow. Seven times on the same day doesn’t exactly scream heartfelt. I can find myself wanting to present my case to the Lord- “Don’t you see they keep doing the same thing? How can they really be sorry and continue the same pattern of behavior?” To echo the old song: “Gloom, despair and agony on me…”. Even today I found myself talking to the Lord regarding an area I’m struggling to apply this principle. When I am honest with myself I will admit that this isn’t really that big of a deal and yet here it is tripping me up yet again.

I sometimes need a healthy dose of conviction to keep my chin up and my attitude in check:

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and prefects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne. Think of all the hostility he endured from sinful people, then you won’t become weary and give up. After all, you have not yet given your lives in your struggle and against sin. Hebrews 12:1-4

Ouch! So I’m not a pampered princess, gliding through life with all my wants, needs and whims met. How many have given their lives, their livelihoods, endured imprisonment, beatings, and other horrors? Kind of makes me wince when I think of bemoaning my comparatively insignificant “suffering”.

Perhaps God is using the questionable sincerity of another to sharpen our lives and teach us to die to ourselves. Maybe we carry more blame in the ongoing saga than we realize. Regardless, forgiveness is our standard and our protection. I don’t want to carry around unnecessary baggage. It really comes down to who do I care more about pleasing, God or myself? I can complain every time I face an unwanted obstacle or I can trust that God really does have my best in mind. This is not easy, I certainly will not pretend to have it mastered, but I hope I am learning and getting better at forgiving-even those who are not really sorry!