Apples of Gold

A few weeks ago one of my daughters was scrolling through the new releases on one of our streaming services and found a show called “The Golden Bachelor”. I usually bypass the bachelor series because I find the content to be a tad racy for me; but something about this one was kind of intriguing. The bachelor is a widower in his 70’s and the ladies range from their 60’s all the way to their 80’s. My assumption that this show would be a bit different from the others was correct, although, I was still surprised by all of the overly affectionate displays between multiple partners.

Before this last tell-all, they had whittled the competition down to three ladies. The bachelor has told all three of them that he loves them and they have told him as well. Now he is left with the very difficult task of figuring out which one, if any, he would like to marry. At the beginning, it was pretty easy for him to send some of the women home but now a very risky game of comparison, with serious consequences for each of the players is taking place. This one is more attractive, this one is smarter, I have more in common with her. Then add to the mix that they are competing for him and may or may not be representing themselves honestly. You get the picture.

Perhaps knowledge of the Old Testament could have spared these individuals all this grief. One of the first recorded cases of comparison is found in the middle of the book of Genesis. This story reads every bit as dramatically as a carefully crafted soap opera. Jacob works seven years to marry the love of his life Rachel, only to find that he actually married her homely sister. Jacob agrees to work another seven years for Rachel and marries her the next week. Not only do we have two women competing for the affection of the same man but two sisters. Imagine the strain that must have put on their relationship! Leah longs for Rachel’s beauty and Rachel grieves because her sister is having son after son and she has no children. Comparison often breeds competition which can lead to contempt.

When I was younger, I found myself unknowingly trapped in a legalistic group of peers. I remember the night my eyes were opened to this quite clearly. After being directly compared to another member of the group and being told I didn’t measure up; I found myself in my room confused and devastated. The words “God, I can’t please you” slid past my lips and something in my heart recognized that didn’t sound biblical. I look back at the struggle I wrestled through and wish I had known my Bible better at that tender age. Paul has some advice on comparison:

We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise. 2 Corinthians 10:12

Comparison most frequently leaves us feeling better than others or like a total failure. Neither of those extremes tend to lead to a positive outcome. If we feel we are better than others why should we continue to push ourselves? Not to mention the pungent scent of superiority that wafts behind us. If we feel inferior, the desire to just give up can be pretty tempting. Wallowing in our misery is no more appealing than its counterpart, pride.

Paul gives further instruction in the book of Romans:

In his grace God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well. So if God has given you the ability to prophesy, speak out with as much faith as God has given you. If your gift is serving others, serve them well. If you are a teacher, teach well. If your gift is to encourage others, be encouraging. If it is giving, give generously. If God has given you leadership ability, take the responsibility seriously. And if you have a gift for showing kindness to others, do it gladly. Romans 12:6-8

We frequently don’t stop at comparing ourselves with others but we allow it to ooze into our personal gifts and callings. We value some gifts more than others. We equate the platform with importance and the scrub brush with inferiority. Notice Paul did not rank these gifts. His exhortation is simply to serve in your strength.

Corinthians 12:17 paints an interesting picture:

How strange a body would be if it had only one part!

Anyone else picturing an enormous nose with tiny arms and legs? God has designed us to fulfill a specific role and these roles are as unique as we are. God’s children are not like gingerbread men, cut out with a cookie cutter, intentionally identical. We are more like snowflakes. Each one is unique. In fact when snowflakes begin to form they initially look very similar. But as they continue to gather more particles the circumstances surrounding their formation shape them into a one of a kind design. Temperature, wind, moisture, and time all have an impact on the final product. The difference is in the details. If God takes such care in designing each snowflake, unobservable to the naked eye, how much more does he thoughtfully and purposefully shape our lives? Let’s put aside our compulsion to compare and expend our energy pursuing the likeness of Jesus.

For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son. Romans 8:29